Orinyl

Yesterday, I spent four hours analyzing data collected by my pastor, during a marriage workshop.  The data consisted of four questions related to how a person perceives the quality of their marriage.  I had an absolute blast.  I was totally in the zone and when I got the results I had a great feeling of satisfaction.  I also have had a great time thinking about the results due to the fact that they were not what was expected.

I was totally in the zone for the time that I was analyzing data and doing science.

I haven't been feeling great lately.  Physically and cognitvely I've felt slow and sluggish. 

I still have a passion and I still love to pursue my passions:  science and martial arts. 

Spending time in "the zone" always gets me feeling great.  Being in the zone is when you are fully engaged in the present reality from moment to momenty.  Time stops for you and yet flays by outside of you.  This is the state whe should all be attempting to living within.  We need to pursue living in the zone, not just visiting once in a while.  Fully engaging in one of my passions yesterday gave me a great boost both physically and mentally, now I'm feeling more motivation, more focus, and more desire.

The more you pursue living in your particular zone, based on your passions, gifts, talents, and skills the better you'll feel throughout your whole person.

So go on and get in the zone.

Always your student

Darrin Coe

So I've been thinking.

happens once in a while.

What does one do when one is floundering a little bit?  When the future seems more uncertain than usual what steps can a person take to be grounded in spite of uncertainty and chaos.

My future at the moment for a number of reasons is looking rather uncertain.  the alternative to certainty is defeatism and mediocrity.  I've been a little down lately. 

I decided to make a list of stuff I know.  This stuff I know, is stuff I know to be true in my reality.  Because we live ina postmodern, relativistic culture I accept that people may not see my reality as theirs, but I believe this stuff to be true.

Stuff I know: 

1.  God is good.

2.  God is taking care of my family.  no matter what happens I know God has the best interests of my family at heart.

3.  God has a defined purpose for my life -- most of which I don't understand

4.  I know I have a passion and talent for being a researcher

5.  I know I have a passion and talent for martial arts

6.  I know the most important person in my life is God

7.  I know the second most important person in my life is my wife

8.  I know my children are more important to me than my own comfort.

9.  I know what I think I want to happen in the future is that I get an academic appointment and am able to begin a program of research involving downs syndrome, positive psychology, and psychology of religion.

10.  I know I don't know everything and that I'm yet a beginner in life

11.  I know I want to learn to play a musical instrument.

12.  I know Jesus died for my sins and the sins of humanity so that I could be restored to my original place in the kingdom of God.

13.  I know that the Bible is the inspired and true word of God.

14.  I know that I'm a scientist at heart

15.  I know that I want a masters degree in applied statistics.

16.  I know money's not very important to me.  I'd rather do without to be frightfully honest.

Ok, now I'm a little more grounded.  I also know that there's a whole lot more things I could put on the "things I don't know" list.  This is an interesting experiment in that it requires you to really think like Descartes, in a rational, non-emotional manner.

What do you really know about you?  take time to take stock.  This is a window into your values and belief system.  Can you be confident in what you know even in times of chaos and uncertainty?  I know I can. 

Always your student

Darrin Coe

So, what do you do or what do you need to keep your passions high?  What do you need to do to keep your passions inflamed when you don't have a specific goal or vision?

My passion is research and statistical analysis.  I love to take data and dig around through it and develop a picture of what the data is actually telling me about whatever phenomenon is being studied or considered -- primarily in psychology.  I love the challenge of thinking rationally about human behavior based on data and statistical inference.  I don't always have a goal or vision that involves this passion.

Yep, there are times when I have unfocused passion. ( no jokes about my wife or personal time in the bathroom)

The other day I decided I needed to do some type of research, collect some type of data, or design some type of research (I like methodology as well).  I realized there's a whole world that I can think about in terms of research design.  I started working a design to show that my martial arts instructor's martial arts school is having a positive impact on the students; I started thinking about how to develop a unit of measure called the "quality church experience unit"; I decided to develop several hypothetical designs to evaluate various hypothetical church programs. 

You get the idea.

You need to keep your passions inflamed by exercising them even when you don't have a goal, focus, or vision.  You need to play, by hypothetical, create theoretical models, and engage your mind in an ongoing manner. 

Don't stagnate and let the flame of your passions burn down to embers because you may never get them to flame high again.  Fan you passions.  If it's creating businesses then create hypothetical businesses or create nhew business leadership theory.  If you're passion is history then read, read, read and then write down your theories.  Once again you get the idea (hopefully)

By keeping the flame of your passions alive and high, then when you develop vision and goals for those passions you'll be energized to move forward at a pace you can't really comprehend.  Like a horse chopping at the racing bit.  When the flame is finally released and focused then it'll burn bright and engulf your goals and visions like nothing you've ever seen.

always your student

Darrin Coe

So this weekend I'm testing for my yellow belt in Shorinkan Karate.  I have a 3rd degree red sash in Taijiquan and a 1st degree black belt in Quan Li K'an.  Yep I'm a beginner again.  I've been through many different types of martial arts tests: large group tests, private tests !:1 with the instructor, distance tests using video, stepping into the MMA and NHB stickfighting ring for the first time. 

These were all ways that I purposely test myself.  I joined a new Karate school to purposely test myself.  I pursued a graduate degree to purposely test and stretch myself. 

We fail in pursuing excellence if we are not strategically and purposely subjecting ourselves to some type of external testing.  We need to know from an outside source of feedback that we can take ourselves outside our comfort zone, survive, and excel. 

When I competed in amateur MMA I was only competing against myself.  My opponent was a tool in the testing process.  I was not competing against another person I was pushing myself to see how far as a fighter i could go; what I could withstand; what I still needed to learn.  I needed to know how long I could stand it in the crucible of the ring.

In businesses and organizations there are all types of analytics:  we look at the balance sheet, the cashflow sheet, the number of customers in a given time period, ratio growth and profit, online business look at clickthrough rate, stickiness, and conversion to lead ratio.  These are tools to improve and grow businesses.

What analytics to you use in your personal growth?  How are you testing yourself in all arenas of your life.  You need to develop a testing process for your mental, physical, spiritual, and relational worlds.  You need to develop testing strategies for your personal financial world.  Here's an example of a relational test that I use.  I stretch myself by trying to let my children dictate how we will use our 1:1 time together which I schedule with them every week.  I like to decide how we use the time but my wife suggested I turn it over to the kids and just go along with them and do what they choose to do (within reason). 

This is a test for me: 1) can I keep to a regular schedule of 1:1 time with the kids in an ongoing, weekly manner? 2) can I let them dictate our activities?  Yes,. for me this is a relational testing process. 

I love it.

So get your backsides moving; enter the crucible; and be tested.

L:et me know how you test yourselves

always your student

Darrin Coe

     Are you in the process of grappling with an issue, problem, goal achievement, developing a vision, mission, or relationship?

     To be successful in the combat arts of Judo and Taijiquan one must develop "relaxed sensitivity".  This is the ability to feel what your opponent is doing anticipate their movements and beat them to the next movement.  You cannot do this if you hold on tightly to one particular technique, when the technique is not proving successful. 

     One of the greatest skills a fighter/grappler can develop is the ability to let go and try multiple techniques, holds, or strikes until he or she finds the one that works well with a particular opponent.  As a matter of fact, if a participant is to committed to a less than effective technique, thinking it will succeed in time, they will get beat because they are giving the opponent time to think, feel, strategize, and improvise.

          All the while you're getting tired doing something less than effective.

     This is very important in life. 

Let Go.

     If you are constantly feeling frustrated over achieving a particular goal or objective; if you feel as if you're always tired, always getting beat, always getting cut off, then perhaps you need to let go of either the path or strategy you're using or let go of the goal itself.

     For instance if you are constantly at loggerheads with a significant person in your life, and your goal is to develop a stronger relationship with that person, perhaps you need to let go of the methods you're using to develop the relationship.

     Try something new, try something different.  Stop trying, be sensitive, and wait for a better strategy or opportunity.

     This principle of letting go is powerful in business, family, relationships, or anywhere else you're trying to achieve greatness.  This is why you need to develop multiple strategies to desired goals or outcomes.  This is why you need to be sensitive to the people and environment around you.  This is why you sometimes need to let go of the whole ball of wax and start over.

     The Japanese call this "investing in loss"

So come on, join me

      let go.

     Let me know what you think and how this might work for you

Always your student

Darrin Coe

I've studied the martial arts now for about 20 years.  I've got black belts in two arts and I've competed as an MMA fighter and an NHB stick fighter.  The martial arts have taught me much about life and living.

There's front stance, back stance, cat stance, horse riding stance, sanchin stance, bow stance, snake creeps down stance, snake wraps the willow tree stance.  The martial arts is full of stances.  Some stances are strong, solid, and rooted while others are flexible and dynamic.  The Filipino art of Baston Batongas has the most dynamic stances and footwork of any art that I've been exposed to, JKD and Boxing have very efficient footwork, while Karate and Judo have strong rooted stances for power and leverage.  Many of the Chinese arts have a wonderful combination of stances.

In life we must develop our stances.  In some circumstances we must be dynamic and flexible able to change and the environment around us changes.  In other circumstances we must be strong and unmovable, holding to our position with power and rootedness. 

In the art of life our world is built on our stances.  We need to be rooted in truth, morality, ethics, and integrity; we need to be flexible in working and accepting all types of people and situation; we need to be fluid within our companies and social structures.  I suggest that our strongest stances which provide us power, motivation, and purpose come from a system of faith or spirituality.  These are stances that no one will be able to move you from just like a really solid Karate front stance your faith delivers power.  Our ability to know people and react to situations constitute our dynamic stances: the aikido ability to blend, the baston batongas ability to circle to zero presure -- to flow with people instead of against them.

You must know yourself and your stances before you'll be effective in the world around you and just like in the martial arts if your stances suck, then the rest of your art will be ineffective. 

Live effectively

Develop strong stances

always your student

Darrin Coe

Ok, so I have some bad habits. 

I'm workin' on it, already.

Right now I'm trying to embrace a vegan eating lifestyle as well as cut out as much processed food as possible.  I don't miss meat, dairy, or eggs at all.  I crave some form of chips and something to dip them in.  Give me straight sour cream and an unflavored corn chip, while watching TV or reading and I'll be one of the happier humans on the planet.  This habit kicks into high overdrive if it's after 9:00 PM.  I love to watch shows on netflix and eat chips -- not greasy, salty, gruesome potatoe chips (I'm over those) -- it's the habit of mindlessly dipping and crunching as I'm passively being entertained by the idiot box.  It's ruining my eating lifestyle. 

Granted, I'm not eating animal products if I'm dipping in salsa (I do try to avoid the dairy based dips) and corn chips have reduced gluten and reduced salt, but it's just a bad habit to eat after about 8:00 PM. 

And yes, it really is a conditioned habit.  I can't read on the couch without a chip based product to crunch on.  And no, baby carrots are not a long term fix.  Exchanging one food for another just feeds (no pun intended) the conditioning and eventually I go right back to chip based products.  I also want to not eat after a certain during the day.  I do great all day and I'm very disciplined and focused on maintaining a healthy eating pattern.  But I have these eating habits which kick in after about 9:00 PM and they get really bad if my pain meds kick in cause then I also fight the "stoner munchies".

So let's use a little science.  Behavior mod says that I need to extinguish the eating behavior and condition a new behavior which is linking to reading and watching TV.  It should be similar to the eating behavior but it should not involve food (for instance biting on a flavored piece of plastic which breaks in half and then goes back together), and the behavior should be pleasurable.  It would also help if the behavior which would be conditioned is considered internally beneficial.  (Sex in front of the television is probably not an option).

To dump a bad habit and build a new one, first you must recognize that habits are automatic and conditioned behaviors.  You can't just decide to stop doing a habit.  You have to systematically dismantle it and replace it -- also accomplished through a systematic process.

First -- recognize the habit

second -- analyze the habit and break it into components

third -- identify the pleasurable components of the habit

fourth -- identify a replacement habit

firth -- implement the new habit in the same environment as the old one.

sixth -- assess how well it's working

seventh -- make re-adjustments.

Now I just have to develop a new habit to replace my after hours eating which is just as enjoyable and is also intrinsically good.

now, go forth and build powerful new habits.

Always your student

Darrin Coe

I recently had a great discussion with my wife and mother-in-law about motivation.  We were talking about weight loss and physical fitness, and keeping motivated to pursue physical fitness.  We also talked about how being physically fit relates to other aspects of living well.

Physical fitness is related to improved mood and research has shown it to be more effective than some psychiatric medicines.  Physical fitness is also related to improved memory and cognitive functioning.  Physical fitness has a positive relationship with decreased depression and anxiety. 

So why do we have such a tough time pursuing physical fitness.

Because our motivation is all out of wack.  The American media tells us to lose weight and look pretty.  The media equates skinny with success and excellent living.  The media focuses almost exclusively on weight loss. 

Wrong motivation.

When you focus on weight loss you're focusing on others perceptions of you.  You're trying to impress other people; you're trying to accomplish goals set for you by cultural standards.  You're competing with people who are not important to you. 

Research strongly supports internal motivation as the key to accomplishing goals.  Internal motivation is motivation based on achieving personal potential.  It's motivation based on what's important to you.  Frame your motivation in positive terms which are important to you on a very basic human level. 

Don't pursue weight-loss -- pursue fitness.  Go to the gym or go walking or go jogging or study karate because it will reduce your blood pressure, reduce your resting heart rate, and improve your memory. 
Don't change your diet and give up potatoe chips because the laster guru say you're a fat slop.  Start eating healty so that you can live long enough to play with your great grandchildren. 

Don't just pursue physical fitness, pursue personal holistic wellness:  be great physically, mentally, and spiritually. 

Finally, to really supercharge your motivation, make it sacred.  All systems of faith speak to living and excellent life.  Make your faith a part of your goals.  This give your goals eternal purpose and organizes your life around the sacred and transcedent.  This means pursuing physical fitness and living a healthy life for a higher purpose, not for a self-center, competing with the American standard, purpose.

Now, get your butts out there and rock the world.

Thanks mom-in-law for making me think.

Always your student

Darrin Coe

I think, actually I believe that one of the primary impediments blocking people from living lives of excellence is weariness. This is not simply being tired from not getting good sleep for a couple of nights. This is that bone tired, fatigue that makes you want to never get off the couch, never think about anything more complicated than paint drying, and never get involved in life. It's that weariness that drags you down into zombie-hood and you think you'll never have a day of normal energy again.

I think there are a lot of people who are weary. They are fatigued and would just love one day of energy. They want to feel as if their tasks are not drudgeries to be survived.

People want to thrive and excel.

So before I address this allow me to list my plethora of maladies, not to brag or whine but to be transparent and show you that I come from position of experience.

I've had two cervical spine surgeries and have a metal plate screwed to my neck; I have degenerative disc disease in my whole spine; I have two herniated discs in my lumbar spine; at least one herniated disc in my thoracic spine; I have bone spurs throughout my spine; I have arthritis and bone spurs in my elbows; I have nerve damage in both arms; I've had my nose broke four times and had septum reconstruction surgery; I've got memory loss from closed head injury; I have double corneal transplants; congenital hypertension; and some hormone dysregulation. I take three different pain meds, a hormone shot, and high blood pressure medicine. I'm only 41 and I love life -- now.

Six months ago I hated life, my co-workers hated me, I had no desire to hang with my kids, all I wanted to do was sleep, struggled with motivation, was constantly irritable and agitated, was gaining weight daily, and really wasn't interested in living well. All I wanted to do was be left alone to stare at the wall and contemplate professional wrestling.

So, being a believer in "physician heal thyself", I contacted my doctor and asked him to put me back on pain medicine.

Chronic pain facilitates fatigue and depression

I also asked my doctor to set me up with a nerve conductance specialist, and had him order labs to check my body functioning. I asked him to check everything from my liver to my thyroid to my endocrine system to my immune system. I wanted to rule out all medical issues that might be causing this bone crushing weariness. I wanted to be able to know where to start putting my energy. I needed to know if this weariness was medical related, stress related, psychologically related, work related or some combo thereof.

In order to change our lives we must be strategic and purposeful. We must define reality through an initial phase of testing and assessment. The first factor to address in defeating weariness is your physical/medical health. Have your doctor run labs, do imaging, send you to specialists if you can afford it. If your doctor finds something, then it can be addressed and you can move to the next issue. If your doctor says you're clear medically you know that you now can cross off "physical health" as contributing to your fatigue and weariness.

There are no easy fixes to this epidemic of weariness but you can beat it if you're willing to be strategic.

I now blog every day about living an excellent life. I joined a karate school. I schedule time with all of my children each week. I read challenging books and journals daily.

My lab work came back with some low hormone levels, which my doctor addressed right away. Everything else came back good. Now I know that physically I'm doing good and if I'm feeling bone-crushing weariness it's something related to my environment or my mental health

I'm loving life.

Watch for episode two in "Defeating Weariness" coming soon

Always your student

Darrin Coe

So, I cleaned the bathroom today.

"Why?"  you ask.

To bless my wife who works harder than any two people I know to make sure our home runs smoothly and our children have the best that we can provide.  If I'm the CEO of our home then she's the executive director. 

Sometimes she gets weary. 

Sometimes we all need a blessing.

So walk the "simple path" of humility and bless someone else just because.

This is the way of growth.  Take the dishes to the dishwasher, shovel someone else's stoop, bring your partner a cookie.

Clean the toilet once in a while.

It'll keep you humble and help you remember that you are no better and no worse than others.  Once you can clean a toilet every so often then you are free to achieve, free to think rationally, free to think critically.

Because once you can be humble in life then you remove your ego from the success and achievement equation.  Failure become something to analyze instead of getting all bent out of shape over.  When you are humble and walk the simple path then you are free to know people as they are not as your ego would like them to be, not as you interpret them to be, but simply as they are. 

Humility will bring clarity which will facilitate achievement.

So

go

now and

clean that toilet -- it'll be good for you

volunteer at a soup kitchen

wash dishes for your church gathering

volunteer to be the janitor after a big party

Always your student

Darrin Coe